Ernie Chambers Ends Racial Gaslighting with CVS-Length Receipts

It’s Time to be Objective About Porn

by: Sacred Sojourner

When it came to porn, I had A LOT of baggage, and what kind of therapist would I be if I didn’t attempt to unpack my own baggage in the hopes of being a better resource for someone else? I needed to learn how to talk about pornography in an educated, unbiased and objective way. If nothing else, I’ve come to realize that there’s nuance in everything. I can acknowledge that there are harmful kinds of pornography without condemning an entire genre. I can talk about the exploitation that takes place far too often in this multibillion-dollar industry, and still understand that many people use pornography in very healthy ways to aid in exploring their own bodies and sexuality and what feels good to them.

         At this point, you may be wondering where my bias regarding pornography began. The first pornographic film I saw was at a friend’s house when I was a junior in high school. I was eager to see what all the hype was about, as I had heard many of my peers and my older brother’s friends raving about these videos but I had never seen one myself. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the video I was about to watch—my first exposure to pornography—would have a lasting effect on the way I viewed the entire genre, and if I’m honest, the people who enjoyed it as well.

         The video was not particularly triggering. It wasn’t offensive like race-play and it wasn’t overtly violent like a rape simulation. It just didn’t look...fun. At least not for the female co-star. That detail made all the difference for me. Without the enjoyment of the participant that I identified with, the entire production felt exploitative. Up until this point in my life I had imagined that sex would be this amazing experience, complete with consistent orgasms and that subsequent euphoric afterglow, you know, like in all the movies and tv shows. So when I saw this woman, clearly only pretending to be enjoying this encounter, it began to look to me like something that was happening to her instead of something they were doing together.

         Perhaps if I had been exposed to a different production, maybe one that centered female pleasure—or at least included it, I may have had a totally different outlook on this genre from the beginning. But patriarchy teaches us that sex is something that happens to a woman while happening for a man, and unfortunately pornography has no shortage of films that perpetuate this fallacy. And because I was repelled by the first video I saw, I never explored the genre any further. Combine what very little exposure I had to pornographic material, with the commonly expressed belief that watching pornography signifies perversion and sexual deviance, and the result was bias. I found that even the things I read, from books about rape culture to articles about how porn creates unrealistic expectations about women in particular (for example, that they should not have body hair, that they all bleach their assholes, and that they all prefer sex consisting of a series of seemingly endless ramming), corroborated with my subconscious and not-so-subconscious beliefs that pornography was nothing more than problematic. Selective perception took over, as I gravitated toward any negative press or condemning think-pieces about porn like Trump supporters to Breitbart articles. I was living in a literary echo chamber that only served to reinforce what I already thought about porn.

         But bias limits the mind, and my bias was preventing me from seeing the bigger picture. I wasn’t able to see that many people use porn to help cultivate healthy sexual relationships with themselves and their partners. Porn allows one to safely explore a world of sexual possibilities and often rejects political stereotypes. As someone who has always believed that Americans are much more sexually repressed than we perceive ourselves to be, how can I ignore that porn provides a much-needed outlet for our desires and sexual expression that is arguably unmatched? For those of us identifying as women, the acceptance of our sexuality has always been conditional. In some ways, porn signifies sexual liberation for women—a break from the constant policing of our urges and expression.

My goal was to learn about porn from different angles so that I can discuss it in a way that is based upon facts and not my limited scope.  am still not a fan of porn and I’m completely fine with that. It is okay that I dislike porn. What has changed is the way that I dislike porn, which has shifted after taking an objective look at it. In terms of the genre, I can now say that it’s not something that I feel compelled to watch, but I am now aware that it is a personal choice as opposed to a moral position. In other words, I dislike porn the same way I dislike spicy foods, completely fine with knowing and understanding that lots of people do enjoy spicy foods and it doesn’t inherently make them problematic. It's 2020 so by now many of us have seen the studies of how beneficial masturbation is to the mind and body. Consider those who are visibly stimulated who may use pornography to aid in that act of self-care. Consider our queer youths who are receiving the short end of the stick in a heteronormative society in which only straight/cis/binary students’ bodies and experiences are reflected in sex education courses. Queer pornography closes the gap when these courses fall short.

Pornography is not limited to the repulsive dynamic I witnessed in eleventh grade. It does not all resemble “how-to" videos for rapists-in-training either. While it is absolutely an issue that a lot of pornography is triggering due to the tendency to succumb to gender stereotypes and the tired trope of male domination, there is also a wide variety for viewers to choose from if they have the desire to find something that aligns with their needs and preferences. The Clit List, for example, is an online directory of ethical, feminist-friendly porn sites created for sexual assault survivors who enjoy porn and want to regain a sense of ownership over their sexuality. Porn can absolutely be problematic, but it can also be healing when we are intentional with our selections and find what works for us as individuals.